Troubles of the heart: 365 days

First things first. If you have not read my post right below this one, you should probably go ahead and do that now or you will be a little bit lost.

But for those of you who have read that post,

Or who follow me on Instagram..

You probably already know what has gone on in my messy life this past year.

A WHOLE year. TODAY

But just a short summary to get everyone back up to date, last year around September I had the impression to start my mission papers. And I KNOW for a fact that it was the spirit prompting me. How grateful I am that I was living my life in a manner so that I could feel such sweet promptings.

Anyways.

I started my mission papers and I had to get cleared by my cardiologist and yada yada yada turns out..

I needed open heart surgery because my pulmonary valve was not working and my heart was enlarging.

Hashtag bummer

But it turned out to be a huge blessing.
Even if that meant getting my rib cage cracked and receiving the heart valve of some poor piggy who only lived his life to save mine.

Thank you piggy, even though my family calls me “Oinker,” and tells me to quit my “Swine-ing.”

One day when everything is restored to its proper balance and all that…you can have it back.

It has been 365 days today since I had my open heart surgery. I have had one heck of a year and they did a great number on me but I would like to think that I have come out on top.

I just need to start out with a HUMONGOUS thank you to every single person that prayed for me, or who prayed for my family, or who served or helped at all when I was heading in for my open heart surgery and after.

You have no idea how much you helped. I seriously could not have done it without you.

Thank you.

Now just a warning in advance, IF YOU ARE SQUEAMISH : go ahead and leave this page and continue scrolling through your newsfeed.


I have had people ask me when I am going to update my blog and talk a little bit about what happened so I figured I need to do so but that includes details and probably some pictures that aren’t that fun. But the good part is, ITS ALL OVER. And I have grown so so so so much and I would really like to share my testimony and experience with you  if you would like to hear it.

So here we go.
On december 16th I woke up super early and I have to admit I was a little bit nervous. I wasn’t exactly thrilled knowing it would probably be one of the worst days of my life. The hardest part was that I was perfectly fine. I woke up feeling no pain and it seemed a little ridiculous to be walking my painless self into a meat grinder. And let me tell you that is exactly what it is. But here is the good part.

When my dad and my mom and I were driving to the University of Utah Hospital you would think that I would be in the back seat with my knees up to my chest… rocking… brown paper bag… hysterics… and all that…

But I wasn't.

I had peace.

And I know that is because so many people were praying for me.

I know that the power of prayer is REAL. I think I kind of just ignored everything that was going to happen.. But I also know that there is no way I could have stepped out of the car and walked myself into the hospital without turning into a psycho and pulling my hair out one by one.  I was a little nervous but I had peace. And I know that is because it was the right thing to do. I had felt that through my own praying, consulting with multiple doctors and after lots of testing. I had wanted to serve a mission but I knew that the Lord had a different plan for me and I knew that He was taking care of me. I could feel it. I could feel peace.

I mean I don’t think I want to do it again… but …I pretty much rocked it.

So here is what happened.

We checked in and my sister and my aunt were with us and they started my IV for sedation and we waited…

The anesthesiologist came in and gave me my sedation, my family hugged me and they wheeled me out.
The last thing I remember before was them transferring me to the operating table.

So I am a huge Grey’s Anatomy fan and seriously it was nothing like that at all… I didn't see any dreamy Doctors or have anyone singing songs above my head about my love life.

HUGE let down.

I was only in surgery for 4 hours and then I was taken to the ICU. The only thing I remember about that was that my dad (RN) was talking to the nurses and they asked if he was medical and he told them he learned it all because I watch Grey’s Anatomy.

Bahahahahaha.

Liar.

I woke up intubated and strapped to the table and I can think of about a million other things that are more fun than that.

After I was moved from the ICU to the floor I was allowed to walk around a little bit. I had multiple wires and tubes coming out of my neck, my arms, my chest and other places we wont talk about. I was basically R2-D2

I apologize to everyone that helped take care of me while I was at the hospital. Turns out I wasn't very nice and I could have probably handled myself better but I was having a stressful day.

After 2 days in the ICU, 2 days on the floor and parents who were probably remembering what it is like to have a child who keeps you up all night… we were ready to leave.

I seriously think that my mom and I pulled my IVS out, packed up and bounced.
I am so grateful for having two parents that are Registered Nurses. Also a twin sister who is as well. I had three personal nurses in my own home. I am one lucky sucker.

On the way home, my mom and I stopped at a gas station and I could hardly walk. My mom was helping me  walk through to the bathroom all hunched over and decrepit. Some man in a black coat saw us and handed my mom a $100 dollar bill. He told her that I needed something nice for Christmas..

Waterworks.

I have no idea who he was, but I will never ever forget that. He was such a good example of kindness and selflessness and I am forever grateful for him for showing me that.

Everyone: Serve people.. Even simple things.. Just serve.

I had so many people show so much love and support. I have never felt closer to my Savior and I have never been so directly involved in following the spirit and knowing that I was put on a specific path for a reason.

After we got home I am pretty sure I just slept for like 3 months. Which is also kind of strange because I started my online classes for Winter semester two weeks after my operation. My teachers must have felt bad for me because I had straight A’s for the first time EVER in all of my schooling. Maybe the fact that I couldn’t go out and play is the reason I had so much time to do nothing but succeed in school. 

I remember nothing from those classes.

I do remember Cardiac Rehab..

ZERO FUN.

I showed up for the first time at the hospital in Idaho Falls. They gave me a heart monitor with guess what… MORE WIRES. And they told me that I could WALK… on the treadmill..

Oh boy..

I was not amused. I was the only young person there. Everyone else was a little more wrinkly and had white hair. That lasted about a month ish and then I quit because I was out doing more with my friends than I was in rehab..

They tried to make me go to rehab I said no no no..

In the beginning of April my mom and I walked in the Heart and Soul of Rigby 5k race.

I took first place.

This little piggy sure has some gumption.

My recovery was not easy. I was not allowed to lift anything over 5 pounds. And that is not very much. I couldn't anyways because I had so much pain. The doctors said the pain would be bad up until 6 months. I did not believe them but seriously the week of my 6 month mark I started feeling better. Up until then I really was not having very much fun. Today I still feel a little bit of pain in my collar bones and my chest but I can live with it.

I AM LIVING.

After I started recovering a little bit more I started running. And it was a slow and painful process. But I was dedicated and excited about my new heart. Before, I could not run down the street without being exhausted. One day I got up and ran 4 miles.. NEVER HAVE I EVER.

I don’t get as tired when I run up the stairs. And I have more energy. The doctor said I should expect to do more than I could before. Which I thought was insane because I never let it hold me back I feel like I have discovered super powers. I am now a semi normal kid. 

But the scar.

I had a scar before from my surgery when I was two years old so it wasn’t anything new really. This one is wider and was very pink for what seemed like forever. I took very good care of it wearing ugly T-shirts swimming and when playing in the sun to protect it so that it would heal nicer. I have this long one and 5 chest tube scars beneath it. I used to be super self conscious about it but somewhere down the road it became too tiring to care so much about something so little.

But that’s the thing, it isn't little. I earned it. I fought hard. And it was a struggle. It still is a struggle.
But its MINE. And I am so grateful for it.

I struggled for a while not feeling good enough to serve a mission. I felt like I had righteous desires and I wanted to do the right things and do something good so why would I have to go through something so painful?

Heavenly Father loves me. He knew I needed my heart fixed and he lead me to it.
If he didn’t care about me or if I wasn’t worth it he would not have put so much hard work into me.

Or any of us.

My scars are a reminder of that.

I cant really go around proudly showing them off because I guess  that is frowned upon or something… but I am not ashamed of them. They are me.

I know that things happen for a reason and they happen to make us better. We would not be given a trial that we cant handle, no matter how hard or how painful it is. It will ALWAYS bless you if you have the right attitude about it.

I thought that I had conquered my hard thing in life and from here on out everything would be easy. I had learned what I needed to learn and was good and ready to go. I obviously was not humbled enough because I went and hurt my back and now have a large herniated disc. But that is just my next trial.
 We will always have trials. Which means we will always be growing and learning.

What a blessing.

I have learned a lot of things since then and have had my testimony strengthened incredibly, but one of the biggest things I have come to know is that the Lord has a plan for us. And if we take the steps to Him, He will guide us and direct us for our own good. I can bear witness that that is true and that He loves us and knows what is best for us. It may not be comfortable or easy, but that stretching is something that He has designed and crafted into our lives so that when we follow Him, we can grow and be happy and healthy.

I just want to say THANK YOU, again to everyone who helped or prayed for me or even thought about me and my family. You helped. There are too many of you to name but you know who you are.

I love you all,

Brittanee

A change of plans.

CAUTION: Very long, and written in terrible form because I type how I talk. But here it is.

Whenever I would hear someone say that they were grateful for trials, I would think, “You are absolutely out of your mind.” I never understood exactly what that meant until now.

All summer I had been planning on starting school in the fall to do my practicum teaching kids in an elementary school. I was all signed up and ready to go back to school. But then I had a change of plans. On September 3^rd I was studying my scriptures when I had a thought come to me. “Brittanee, you should go on a mission.” I looked up from my scriptures and looked around my room. NOPE. I kept on reading and tried to forget those silly, inconvenient words. Not a few verses later, “Brittanee, you should go on a mission.” I knew it was the Holy Ghost giving me guidance. I then closed my book and went upstairs for some breakfast.

When I entered the kitchen my mom was in there looking through some letters. Pretending like nothing happened I reached into the cupboard to get a bowl. At that same moment, my mom opened her mouth to say “Brittanee, you should go on a mission.” I knew I was doomed. Nothing gets past the spiritual giant that my mom is.

After lots of praying I decided that I would go, I had never been so sure of anything in my life. I was excited. I had memorized many different passages that missionaries were supposed to memorize. I had Preach My Gospel all marked up. I was excited to go and I knew that it was right.

In the following week, I had seen my bishop and had set up all of my appointments necessary for completing the mission paperwork. My Bishop told me he would need to put on his running shoes to catch up with me. I was very excited about this because I felt like there was always something I needed to do to become what the Lord would have me be. I felt like serving a mission was the answer.

When I was a baby I had open heart surgery and they repaired a few different things in my heart. I knew that before I went on a mission I would need my cardiologist to clear me. When I met with my Dr. in Rigby for a physical she restricted me to only going to Europe, Canada, and the US because she did not want me to get a disease in my heart. I told her she should recommend me for Europe because they have good hospitals and lots of fish which is good for your heart. She laughed and I laughed too. I thought I would be so upset if I had any restrictions. I ran track in high school and have ran and played fine my whole life. I have never had any restrictions because of my heart and I was not about to let it stop me now.

When I finally went in to meet with my Cardiologist, Dr. Chambers how sweet is his name.. he examined me and said that I looked good and everything was fine. I was very excited knowing this was the last thing on my list that I needed to do. Before I left, he said that he wanted to run a couple tests to make sure that everything was fine.

BLAST.

I almost got away.

Before I knew it I was strapped to a heart monitor that I was supposed to wear all weekend. Unknowingly, this was the first test of many more to come. I was out with friends one night and we were driving around and we got pulled over. My heart started beating so fast I was afraid I was going to fail it.  Next was an ultrasound on my heart, which was not very fun. The Doctor told me before he would clear me he wanted to send me to Utah to see a cardiologist just in case.

DOUBLE BLAST.

I was a little upset knowing that would take forever. Everything had been going so quickly and then all these things started popping up. I started to get a little discouraged. I turned to the Lord in prayer. I have never prayed so much in my entire life. And I knew when I was kneeling down that He knew what I was already going to say.

During the weeks that I waited, I tried to pray and be excited about going on a mission but things started changing. I knew that I was supposed to be doing something and I was absolutely certain that I was told to go on a mission. It started to feel less important to go. I prayed and prayed and I just felt like I needed to do something but I wasn’t sure what it was.

After what seemed like forever, I was finally set up to see a Cardiologist named Dr. Whitehead in Utah on Oct 30^th. He wanted me to do an MRI before we went in and that was the third, and what I had hoped would be the last test. While we waited for 2 hours to do the test I was supposed to get dressed in these HORRID blue clothes that were way too big.

            #toomanycheeseburgersamerica

                               I helped myself to some of those nice warm blue hospital                                    socks with the grippies on the bottom and pulled them on                                    over my own socks to keep warm.

                                                        Free socks everyone.

When I got in the room for the MRI the guy started hooking me up and was like sorry I'm just gonna be all up in your business for a second. Get in line buddy. I knew that people had been praying for me because during the test I was so at peace I kept falling asleep.  AND THOSE SUCKERS ARE LOUD. They kept telling me to wake up and I was a little annoyed they were interrupting my nap. My mom, aunt and I had to race up to the next floor to meet the surgeon. I was holding pressure where they had just pulled my IV out seconds before. Also, I convinced him to take pictures. :)

When we got in to see the cardiologist I began to get a little nervous. I wasn’t too sure why we had to do all these silly tests if my first cardiologist seemed so chill about everything. A short little nurse assistant or someone came in and took my vitals and then left. Shortly after that a lady who said she was Dr. Whiteheads nurse came in and said they just wanted to run an EKG on me right before. At this point I was thinking, “Whatever, just get me out of here.” She left and another little lady came in and had an EKG done in lightning speed. After she left, a younger guy came in who was a student at the U. He started asking me all these questions and did an examination on me. I started to get nervous with all the people coming in and out and I said a little prayer to help us feel peace. He left and we waited for the Cardiologist to come in.

My mom is super tough. I swear that moms have super powers. Either that or she was doing a great job at remaining tough in front of me. I was grateful to have her and my sweet aunt who is just as tough with me.                                               They deserve an award. Somebody write that down.

We were in the gift shop at the hospital and found this cute little candle thingy and my mom said, 

"This makes me want to get up in the night and look for things."

Considering the circumstances it was pretty funny. :)

Back on track.

A tall skinny guy with a part directly down the center of his head and those sweet eye crinkles entered the room. Behind him were two other doctors. The Dr. was super nice and I was hoping he would be the one to set me free from all this stupid testing and annoying hospital trips. Little did I know that I was just in the beginning of my adventure.

#bilbobaggins

Dr. Whitehead started talking to me in such a calm voice that I was sure everything was fine. As he was talking he was describing what my heart is doing and how it is functioning and then mid-sentence, I heard him say that my pulmonary valve has completely stopped working and I would need open heart surgery as soon as possible to get a new one.

Whoop there it is

Another change of plans.

He said over and over that my heart was working super hard, which I had heard my entire life. He said that most people who have Tetralogy of Fallot repaired when they are babies end up needing a valve replacement later on. He said it’s routine and it will keep my heart from enlarging and causing arrhythmias that could be fatal. I guess that’s a plus right?

I listened to what he was saying  I had so many questions in my mind. He said we could have it done within the next week if we wanted. 

NO THANKS.

As we drove away from the hospital I understood what it was I had to have done. I had yet another change of plans. I knew that I was supposed to start my mission papers. I knew that there was something I was supposed to be doing.

The next step was to meet a cardiac surgeon. He wanted me to do guess what… another test.  This test was supposed to determine for sure if I would need surgery even though Dr. Whitehead said it was a fat chance that I would need it. So within two weeks I was signed up again to go back to the blasted hospital and do some more testing. I was starting to feel famous in the lobby.

I was all set to do a VO2 test where I ride on a bike and breathe into this gigantic tube that barely fit in my mouth while they test my oxygen consumption. When the lady was hooking me to my EKG stickers which were now routine for me, she told me that because I had no restrictions they were setting me on the hardest level.

PUKE

JUST MY LUCK

I thought they were setting me up for failure, so I was about to prove them wrong. I got on the bike and started pedaling and everything was just fine. She had told me it would get harder and harder but I thought, “You are nuts I'm gonna ride on this till you fall asleep.” Within seconds I was pedaling this stupid bike up Mount Everest with an elephant clinging to my back pockets. She told me that when it got hard she was going to pressure me to keep going so they could reach a certain point to get the best numbers. I just kept pedaling away and things started to turn black and I was very dizzy.

The nurse kinda stepped over to me and said… “Are ya done?”  I nodded yes and was screaming on the inside because she was just letting me run my legs off even after I had reached the numbers.

IN YOUR FACE CRAZY LADY.

Idonteverwanttodothatagain

When we met with the surgeon the next day I was feeling pretty nervous. I had already looked him up all over the web of course and he seemed like a nice enough guy, but I tend to be a little cautious with the people who are going to have their hands in my chest cavity.

When Dr. McKellar entered he was shorter than I expected which of course made me sit up a little taller. He explained the procedure and I was not a fan of it, but it doesn’t look like I’ll get my way on this one.

I now know what it is I am supposed to be doing. Because of this trial I have felt just about every emotion I thought a person could feel but most of all I have felt gratitude. I have tried to stay optimistic because there are worse things! I don’t have to cross the plains or anything. It really has been a blessing to find this. I know that everything will be okay.

 During my tests and while I was away, my home ward made dinner for my family for a few nights. I am very grateful for that. We have also had many different families bring us rolls and loaves of bread. WHICH IS ACTUALLY MY FAVORITE THING EVER.  I have heard that people have been fasting and praying for me and I know that is true. I can feel the peace. I am so grateful for all of the love and support that I have had. I am especially grateful for my mom and family because they have done so much. 

We have had lots going on this month as a family and I have just felt closer to our Savior than ever. I know that He lives. I know that He knows our trials. I know that when I kneel down to pray I can just say the things I am worried about and I feel better. I know that I am not alone. I know that I have grown and have learned so much.  I feel like I have done what I was supposed to do. I have gained a testimony of Christ and have seen tender mercies. I know I was supposed to start my papers for a reason. I know that Heavenly Father has a plan for us. It might not make a lot of sense but I know that if we do what we are asked, even not knowing what will happen, that He will take care of us and do what is best for us. I urge anybody who has a prompting to follow it. I’m grateful that I am getting my “busted pumper” fixed, as Rachel calls it. I love her.

My surgery is scheduled for Monday the 16^th of December at the University of Utah. I will be getting a new pig valve for a pulmonary valve. I will then have 6 weeks of cardiac rehab walking on a treadmill at the hospital. Most likely EIRMC where my dad works. I was planning on going back to school winter but I am now doing all of my classes online, which is a bummer. 

Change of plans.

 I have to check in on Friday the 13^th… ooooooooo.

I could never thank everyone enough for what they have done for me and my family. Please keep the prayers coming. 

Coming soon. A new and improved me.

Imagine how much energy I'll have with a functioning heart. :) 

Moral of the story, Heavenly Father has a plan for us. He knows what is best for us... just know that it could change like 50 times haha

-Brittanee

Geeetar

I love this guitar but I need to sell it! text or call at 208-360-9866
Great shape! :) Sounds great. $150 o.b.o

Unbelievable blessings

To tell you the truth, I am not very good at keeping up with this. I write when I am really excited about something and that is good enough for me and it mostly just helps me to get my head on straight. If that really was the case though, I would have posted every single day these past couple of weeks. But I have been extremely busy!  Life here at BYU-Idaho is something I could have never imagined. Okay I have to tell you, Christ LIVES. He loves us. I know that and you should too. Also, shout out to my mom. What up mama?!?!  SHE IS INCREDIBLE. I do not understand how she does everything she does. I am so grateful for her and for my dad. Seriously I could pour my whole entire soul out to you right now about how blessed I am to have the family that I have. I also have AMAZING friends. This past week I have realized:

• How much Heavenly Fathers hand is in literally every single thing that happens around me. 
• He places people in our lives for specific reasons and we need to make sure we are worthy to be that for others in return.
• If you work as hard as you can and do your very best, Heavenly Father will make up for the rest.
• Humility really takes a hit when you realize how much you have.
• Moms are amazing.
• Small acts of kindness can lift mountains.
• How important it is to have the Priesthood in my future home.
• Teachers are incredible and I love that they have the Spirit to guide them and teach exactly what I need to hear
• The Temple is the most incredible place in the world and a symbol of Gods unconditional love for us.

Basically I could go on forever. My heart is so full this week. It has been insane but one of the best weeks of my entire life. Seriously, if you are not reading your scriptures and praying every single day I urge you to do so. It will bless your life and change the way you see and understand things. You will not only be blessed but will bless others. And you never know when someone will need you or when you will need someone else, so be prepared. I am so grateful for the unbelievable and unexpected blessings I have received this week.

OKAY! Some more fun and probably my favorite of all things! :) 

I had the opportunity to help out with a friends cake smashing pictures for her babies first birthday! 

She did all of the backdrops and made the cake and adorable tie! Please just notice how stinking cool that giant cupcake is. Every single birthday from here on out? Oh yeah.

Happy Birthday Keldon! 

I also had another opportunity to help out with another first birthday present! 

Happy Birthday Cash!

Oh please. Isnt that the cutest face?!?!?!

Thanks to all of my friends having babies. :) Keep it up! :) I loved doing this so much!

I hope you guys all have a great day!

A third Foote (:

Congratulations to Ben and Whitney Foote for having such a beautiful baby girl!

I was lucky to get a few photos of these two crazies in the last minute!

Literally, it was the last minute. 

The sun was going down and she was being induced in the morning! 

I asked them to stand by this wall and this is what they did.. :) haha! i love them

Ben is a photo bomber. :) 

we thought this was so funny!

Such a pretty mama :)

Again with the personality which i absolutely love! :)

impossible not to catch it.

Adeline Olivia Foote <3

 

Born November 9th at 5:05 p.m. 7 lbs 12 oz 19 1/2 inches

of complete perfection!

Congratulations you two I am so happy for you she is such a beautiful baby!

-I stole this picture from their FB.

Hobby after Hobby

So I had a lot of feedback from the couple scarves that i made and ive been going crazy just making more things and being so excited so i thought i would post them! But every time i went to make a post i thought of something else to make and i wanted to just post them all at once! So, here are a few pictures about my crafty couple of weeks.


This is the Eternity Scarf that i made. Everyone seemed to love it! believe it or not.. this first one took me 8 hours. FOREVER.

These fingerless gloves i did not have a pattern for. I mostly just made it up all by myself. I should have done them longer so they went over my knuckles but i wasnt thinking i guess. :) 

Also.. That mug has BOILING hot water in it. I was thinking you would be able to see the steam... nope. soo it was kinda hard to hold the cup without getting burned! 

Lindsay was my model here. :) I made these boot cuffs. I really like the grey with the black boots but i also have some cream ones with brown buttons that i like for my brown boots. :) 

This baby was such a good sport to model my baby head bands! My friend Jaden asked me to make a black head band for her and i did but i didnt get a picture of it! super cute! so i thought i would make a baby one for my friend who is having a little girl in the next couple days!

I did some family photos for my friends today and Keldon was a model for my little black bow-tie! 

I didnt really get a good picture but here is the cowl that i made!

I didnt have a pattern for anything i made except for the boot cuffs so it was interesting to figure out what i had pictured in my mind!

Been a little Crafty McCraftser..

Let me know if you have any questions on how to make anything and i will be happy to help. :)

I also have been spending a lot more time with my camera so here are some pictures that i have taken! 

Anthany and Lindsay McCabe

Riley Felde and Kayla McCabe

Chris, Megan and Keldon Bundy!

Keldon did NOT want to look at me or smile so it was a little tricky but we still had fun!

Megan is such a pretty mama :)

Hope you enjoyed these! i would love some feedback or any ideas on the crocheting! 

have a great night :)