Troubles of the heart: 365 days

First things first. If you have not read my post right below this one, you should probably go ahead and do that now or you will be a little bit lost.

But for those of you who have read that post,

Or who follow me on Instagram..

You probably already know what has gone on in my messy life this past year.

A WHOLE year. TODAY

But just a short summary to get everyone back up to date, last year around September I had the impression to start my mission papers. And I KNOW for a fact that it was the spirit prompting me. How grateful I am that I was living my life in a manner so that I could feel such sweet promptings.

Anyways.

I started my mission papers and I had to get cleared by my cardiologist and yada yada yada turns out..

I needed open heart surgery because my pulmonary valve was not working and my heart was enlarging.

Hashtag bummer

But it turned out to be a huge blessing.
Even if that meant getting my rib cage cracked and receiving the heart valve of some poor piggy who only lived his life to save mine.

Thank you piggy, even though my family calls me “Oinker,” and tells me to quit my “Swine-ing.”

One day when everything is restored to its proper balance and all that…you can have it back.

It has been 365 days today since I had my open heart surgery. I have had one heck of a year and they did a great number on me but I would like to think that I have come out on top.

I just need to start out with a HUMONGOUS thank you to every single person that prayed for me, or who prayed for my family, or who served or helped at all when I was heading in for my open heart surgery and after.

You have no idea how much you helped. I seriously could not have done it without you.

Thank you.

Now just a warning in advance, IF YOU ARE SQUEAMISH : go ahead and leave this page and continue scrolling through your newsfeed.


I have had people ask me when I am going to update my blog and talk a little bit about what happened so I figured I need to do so but that includes details and probably some pictures that aren’t that fun. But the good part is, ITS ALL OVER. And I have grown so so so so much and I would really like to share my testimony and experience with you  if you would like to hear it.

So here we go.
On december 16th I woke up super early and I have to admit I was a little bit nervous. I wasn’t exactly thrilled knowing it would probably be one of the worst days of my life. The hardest part was that I was perfectly fine. I woke up feeling no pain and it seemed a little ridiculous to be walking my painless self into a meat grinder. And let me tell you that is exactly what it is. But here is the good part.

When my dad and my mom and I were driving to the University of Utah Hospital you would think that I would be in the back seat with my knees up to my chest… rocking… brown paper bag… hysterics… and all that…

But I wasn't.

I had peace.

And I know that is because so many people were praying for me.

I know that the power of prayer is REAL. I think I kind of just ignored everything that was going to happen.. But I also know that there is no way I could have stepped out of the car and walked myself into the hospital without turning into a psycho and pulling my hair out one by one.  I was a little nervous but I had peace. And I know that is because it was the right thing to do. I had felt that through my own praying, consulting with multiple doctors and after lots of testing. I had wanted to serve a mission but I knew that the Lord had a different plan for me and I knew that He was taking care of me. I could feel it. I could feel peace.

I mean I don’t think I want to do it again… but …I pretty much rocked it.

So here is what happened.

We checked in and my sister and my aunt were with us and they started my IV for sedation and we waited…

The anesthesiologist came in and gave me my sedation, my family hugged me and they wheeled me out.
The last thing I remember before was them transferring me to the operating table.

So I am a huge Grey’s Anatomy fan and seriously it was nothing like that at all… I didn't see any dreamy Doctors or have anyone singing songs above my head about my love life.

HUGE let down.

I was only in surgery for 4 hours and then I was taken to the ICU. The only thing I remember about that was that my dad (RN) was talking to the nurses and they asked if he was medical and he told them he learned it all because I watch Grey’s Anatomy.

Bahahahahaha.

Liar.

I woke up intubated and strapped to the table and I can think of about a million other things that are more fun than that.

After I was moved from the ICU to the floor I was allowed to walk around a little bit. I had multiple wires and tubes coming out of my neck, my arms, my chest and other places we wont talk about. I was basically R2-D2

I apologize to everyone that helped take care of me while I was at the hospital. Turns out I wasn't very nice and I could have probably handled myself better but I was having a stressful day.

After 2 days in the ICU, 2 days on the floor and parents who were probably remembering what it is like to have a child who keeps you up all night… we were ready to leave.

I seriously think that my mom and I pulled my IVS out, packed up and bounced.
I am so grateful for having two parents that are Registered Nurses. Also a twin sister who is as well. I had three personal nurses in my own home. I am one lucky sucker.

On the way home, my mom and I stopped at a gas station and I could hardly walk. My mom was helping me  walk through to the bathroom all hunched over and decrepit. Some man in a black coat saw us and handed my mom a $100 dollar bill. He told her that I needed something nice for Christmas..

Waterworks.

I have no idea who he was, but I will never ever forget that. He was such a good example of kindness and selflessness and I am forever grateful for him for showing me that.

Everyone: Serve people.. Even simple things.. Just serve.

I had so many people show so much love and support. I have never felt closer to my Savior and I have never been so directly involved in following the spirit and knowing that I was put on a specific path for a reason.

After we got home I am pretty sure I just slept for like 3 months. Which is also kind of strange because I started my online classes for Winter semester two weeks after my operation. My teachers must have felt bad for me because I had straight A’s for the first time EVER in all of my schooling. Maybe the fact that I couldn’t go out and play is the reason I had so much time to do nothing but succeed in school. 

I remember nothing from those classes.

I do remember Cardiac Rehab..

ZERO FUN.

I showed up for the first time at the hospital in Idaho Falls. They gave me a heart monitor with guess what… MORE WIRES. And they told me that I could WALK… on the treadmill..

Oh boy..

I was not amused. I was the only young person there. Everyone else was a little more wrinkly and had white hair. That lasted about a month ish and then I quit because I was out doing more with my friends than I was in rehab..

They tried to make me go to rehab I said no no no..

In the beginning of April my mom and I walked in the Heart and Soul of Rigby 5k race.

I took first place.

This little piggy sure has some gumption.

My recovery was not easy. I was not allowed to lift anything over 5 pounds. And that is not very much. I couldn't anyways because I had so much pain. The doctors said the pain would be bad up until 6 months. I did not believe them but seriously the week of my 6 month mark I started feeling better. Up until then I really was not having very much fun. Today I still feel a little bit of pain in my collar bones and my chest but I can live with it.

I AM LIVING.

After I started recovering a little bit more I started running. And it was a slow and painful process. But I was dedicated and excited about my new heart. Before, I could not run down the street without being exhausted. One day I got up and ran 4 miles.. NEVER HAVE I EVER.

I don’t get as tired when I run up the stairs. And I have more energy. The doctor said I should expect to do more than I could before. Which I thought was insane because I never let it hold me back I feel like I have discovered super powers. I am now a semi normal kid. 

But the scar.

I had a scar before from my surgery when I was two years old so it wasn’t anything new really. This one is wider and was very pink for what seemed like forever. I took very good care of it wearing ugly T-shirts swimming and when playing in the sun to protect it so that it would heal nicer. I have this long one and 5 chest tube scars beneath it. I used to be super self conscious about it but somewhere down the road it became too tiring to care so much about something so little.

But that’s the thing, it isn't little. I earned it. I fought hard. And it was a struggle. It still is a struggle.
But its MINE. And I am so grateful for it.

I struggled for a while not feeling good enough to serve a mission. I felt like I had righteous desires and I wanted to do the right things and do something good so why would I have to go through something so painful?

Heavenly Father loves me. He knew I needed my heart fixed and he lead me to it.
If he didn’t care about me or if I wasn’t worth it he would not have put so much hard work into me.

Or any of us.

My scars are a reminder of that.

I cant really go around proudly showing them off because I guess  that is frowned upon or something… but I am not ashamed of them. They are me.

I know that things happen for a reason and they happen to make us better. We would not be given a trial that we cant handle, no matter how hard or how painful it is. It will ALWAYS bless you if you have the right attitude about it.

I thought that I had conquered my hard thing in life and from here on out everything would be easy. I had learned what I needed to learn and was good and ready to go. I obviously was not humbled enough because I went and hurt my back and now have a large herniated disc. But that is just my next trial.
 We will always have trials. Which means we will always be growing and learning.

What a blessing.

I have learned a lot of things since then and have had my testimony strengthened incredibly, but one of the biggest things I have come to know is that the Lord has a plan for us. And if we take the steps to Him, He will guide us and direct us for our own good. I can bear witness that that is true and that He loves us and knows what is best for us. It may not be comfortable or easy, but that stretching is something that He has designed and crafted into our lives so that when we follow Him, we can grow and be happy and healthy.

I just want to say THANK YOU, again to everyone who helped or prayed for me or even thought about me and my family. You helped. There are too many of you to name but you know who you are.

I love you all,

Brittanee