A change of plans.

CAUTION: Very long, and written in terrible form because I type how I talk. But here it is.

Whenever I would hear someone say that they were grateful for trials, I would think, “You are absolutely out of your mind.” I never understood exactly what that meant until now.

All summer I had been planning on starting school in the fall to do my practicum teaching kids in an elementary school. I was all signed up and ready to go back to school. But then I had a change of plans. On September 3^rd I was studying my scriptures when I had a thought come to me. “Brittanee, you should go on a mission.” I looked up from my scriptures and looked around my room. NOPE. I kept on reading and tried to forget those silly, inconvenient words. Not a few verses later, “Brittanee, you should go on a mission.” I knew it was the Holy Ghost giving me guidance. I then closed my book and went upstairs for some breakfast.

When I entered the kitchen my mom was in there looking through some letters. Pretending like nothing happened I reached into the cupboard to get a bowl. At that same moment, my mom opened her mouth to say “Brittanee, you should go on a mission.” I knew I was doomed. Nothing gets past the spiritual giant that my mom is.

After lots of praying I decided that I would go, I had never been so sure of anything in my life. I was excited. I had memorized many different passages that missionaries were supposed to memorize. I had Preach My Gospel all marked up. I was excited to go and I knew that it was right.

In the following week, I had seen my bishop and had set up all of my appointments necessary for completing the mission paperwork. My Bishop told me he would need to put on his running shoes to catch up with me. I was very excited about this because I felt like there was always something I needed to do to become what the Lord would have me be. I felt like serving a mission was the answer.

When I was a baby I had open heart surgery and they repaired a few different things in my heart. I knew that before I went on a mission I would need my cardiologist to clear me. When I met with my Dr. in Rigby for a physical she restricted me to only going to Europe, Canada, and the US because she did not want me to get a disease in my heart. I told her she should recommend me for Europe because they have good hospitals and lots of fish which is good for your heart. She laughed and I laughed too. I thought I would be so upset if I had any restrictions. I ran track in high school and have ran and played fine my whole life. I have never had any restrictions because of my heart and I was not about to let it stop me now.

When I finally went in to meet with my Cardiologist, Dr. Chambers how sweet is his name.. he examined me and said that I looked good and everything was fine. I was very excited knowing this was the last thing on my list that I needed to do. Before I left, he said that he wanted to run a couple tests to make sure that everything was fine.

BLAST.

I almost got away.

Before I knew it I was strapped to a heart monitor that I was supposed to wear all weekend. Unknowingly, this was the first test of many more to come. I was out with friends one night and we were driving around and we got pulled over. My heart started beating so fast I was afraid I was going to fail it.  Next was an ultrasound on my heart, which was not very fun. The Doctor told me before he would clear me he wanted to send me to Utah to see a cardiologist just in case.

DOUBLE BLAST.

I was a little upset knowing that would take forever. Everything had been going so quickly and then all these things started popping up. I started to get a little discouraged. I turned to the Lord in prayer. I have never prayed so much in my entire life. And I knew when I was kneeling down that He knew what I was already going to say.

During the weeks that I waited, I tried to pray and be excited about going on a mission but things started changing. I knew that I was supposed to be doing something and I was absolutely certain that I was told to go on a mission. It started to feel less important to go. I prayed and prayed and I just felt like I needed to do something but I wasn’t sure what it was.

After what seemed like forever, I was finally set up to see a Cardiologist named Dr. Whitehead in Utah on Oct 30^th. He wanted me to do an MRI before we went in and that was the third, and what I had hoped would be the last test. While we waited for 2 hours to do the test I was supposed to get dressed in these HORRID blue clothes that were way too big.

            #toomanycheeseburgersamerica

                               I helped myself to some of those nice warm blue hospital                                    socks with the grippies on the bottom and pulled them on                                    over my own socks to keep warm.

                                                        Free socks everyone.

When I got in the room for the MRI the guy started hooking me up and was like sorry I'm just gonna be all up in your business for a second. Get in line buddy. I knew that people had been praying for me because during the test I was so at peace I kept falling asleep.  AND THOSE SUCKERS ARE LOUD. They kept telling me to wake up and I was a little annoyed they were interrupting my nap. My mom, aunt and I had to race up to the next floor to meet the surgeon. I was holding pressure where they had just pulled my IV out seconds before. Also, I convinced him to take pictures. :)

When we got in to see the cardiologist I began to get a little nervous. I wasn’t too sure why we had to do all these silly tests if my first cardiologist seemed so chill about everything. A short little nurse assistant or someone came in and took my vitals and then left. Shortly after that a lady who said she was Dr. Whiteheads nurse came in and said they just wanted to run an EKG on me right before. At this point I was thinking, “Whatever, just get me out of here.” She left and another little lady came in and had an EKG done in lightning speed. After she left, a younger guy came in who was a student at the U. He started asking me all these questions and did an examination on me. I started to get nervous with all the people coming in and out and I said a little prayer to help us feel peace. He left and we waited for the Cardiologist to come in.

My mom is super tough. I swear that moms have super powers. Either that or she was doing a great job at remaining tough in front of me. I was grateful to have her and my sweet aunt who is just as tough with me.                                               They deserve an award. Somebody write that down.

We were in the gift shop at the hospital and found this cute little candle thingy and my mom said, 

"This makes me want to get up in the night and look for things."

Considering the circumstances it was pretty funny. :)

Back on track.

A tall skinny guy with a part directly down the center of his head and those sweet eye crinkles entered the room. Behind him were two other doctors. The Dr. was super nice and I was hoping he would be the one to set me free from all this stupid testing and annoying hospital trips. Little did I know that I was just in the beginning of my adventure.

#bilbobaggins

Dr. Whitehead started talking to me in such a calm voice that I was sure everything was fine. As he was talking he was describing what my heart is doing and how it is functioning and then mid-sentence, I heard him say that my pulmonary valve has completely stopped working and I would need open heart surgery as soon as possible to get a new one.

Whoop there it is

Another change of plans.

He said over and over that my heart was working super hard, which I had heard my entire life. He said that most people who have Tetralogy of Fallot repaired when they are babies end up needing a valve replacement later on. He said it’s routine and it will keep my heart from enlarging and causing arrhythmias that could be fatal. I guess that’s a plus right?

I listened to what he was saying  I had so many questions in my mind. He said we could have it done within the next week if we wanted. 

NO THANKS.

As we drove away from the hospital I understood what it was I had to have done. I had yet another change of plans. I knew that I was supposed to start my mission papers. I knew that there was something I was supposed to be doing.

The next step was to meet a cardiac surgeon. He wanted me to do guess what… another test.  This test was supposed to determine for sure if I would need surgery even though Dr. Whitehead said it was a fat chance that I would need it. So within two weeks I was signed up again to go back to the blasted hospital and do some more testing. I was starting to feel famous in the lobby.

I was all set to do a VO2 test where I ride on a bike and breathe into this gigantic tube that barely fit in my mouth while they test my oxygen consumption. When the lady was hooking me to my EKG stickers which were now routine for me, she told me that because I had no restrictions they were setting me on the hardest level.

PUKE

JUST MY LUCK

I thought they were setting me up for failure, so I was about to prove them wrong. I got on the bike and started pedaling and everything was just fine. She had told me it would get harder and harder but I thought, “You are nuts I'm gonna ride on this till you fall asleep.” Within seconds I was pedaling this stupid bike up Mount Everest with an elephant clinging to my back pockets. She told me that when it got hard she was going to pressure me to keep going so they could reach a certain point to get the best numbers. I just kept pedaling away and things started to turn black and I was very dizzy.

The nurse kinda stepped over to me and said… “Are ya done?”  I nodded yes and was screaming on the inside because she was just letting me run my legs off even after I had reached the numbers.

IN YOUR FACE CRAZY LADY.

Idonteverwanttodothatagain

When we met with the surgeon the next day I was feeling pretty nervous. I had already looked him up all over the web of course and he seemed like a nice enough guy, but I tend to be a little cautious with the people who are going to have their hands in my chest cavity.

When Dr. McKellar entered he was shorter than I expected which of course made me sit up a little taller. He explained the procedure and I was not a fan of it, but it doesn’t look like I’ll get my way on this one.

I now know what it is I am supposed to be doing. Because of this trial I have felt just about every emotion I thought a person could feel but most of all I have felt gratitude. I have tried to stay optimistic because there are worse things! I don’t have to cross the plains or anything. It really has been a blessing to find this. I know that everything will be okay.

 During my tests and while I was away, my home ward made dinner for my family for a few nights. I am very grateful for that. We have also had many different families bring us rolls and loaves of bread. WHICH IS ACTUALLY MY FAVORITE THING EVER.  I have heard that people have been fasting and praying for me and I know that is true. I can feel the peace. I am so grateful for all of the love and support that I have had. I am especially grateful for my mom and family because they have done so much. 

We have had lots going on this month as a family and I have just felt closer to our Savior than ever. I know that He lives. I know that He knows our trials. I know that when I kneel down to pray I can just say the things I am worried about and I feel better. I know that I am not alone. I know that I have grown and have learned so much.  I feel like I have done what I was supposed to do. I have gained a testimony of Christ and have seen tender mercies. I know I was supposed to start my papers for a reason. I know that Heavenly Father has a plan for us. It might not make a lot of sense but I know that if we do what we are asked, even not knowing what will happen, that He will take care of us and do what is best for us. I urge anybody who has a prompting to follow it. I’m grateful that I am getting my “busted pumper” fixed, as Rachel calls it. I love her.

My surgery is scheduled for Monday the 16^th of December at the University of Utah. I will be getting a new pig valve for a pulmonary valve. I will then have 6 weeks of cardiac rehab walking on a treadmill at the hospital. Most likely EIRMC where my dad works. I was planning on going back to school winter but I am now doing all of my classes online, which is a bummer. 

Change of plans.

 I have to check in on Friday the 13^th… ooooooooo.

I could never thank everyone enough for what they have done for me and my family. Please keep the prayers coming. 

Coming soon. A new and improved me.

Imagine how much energy I'll have with a functioning heart. :) 

Moral of the story, Heavenly Father has a plan for us. He knows what is best for us... just know that it could change like 50 times haha

-Brittanee